This shit almost got me fired. Spotify suddenly stopped working, and I didn’t realize that mobile streaming was a premium feature that was afforded to me for 48 hours so I would get addicted and buy premium. Any who, I was tinkering like mad to figure out why I’d suddenly been deprived of my fabulous playlist, which included Gucci Mane, Vivian Girls, Jeremy Jay and The Horrors, and my boss busts into the room and is all like “I don’t mind if you listen to music, but you need to put away your phone if its going to slow down your work.” I was so embarrassed, and now I’m afraid that she hates my face.
Despite the fact that everyone else got a smart phone, like, three years ago, I think I’m hella fancy. I can look like one of those women from the street style blogs that are always looking at their phone like its a new pose or something, and I can take dumps more comfortable because looking at Twitter while I’m on the toilet helps me to relax. I can psychologically withdraw affectively in unpleasant situations, and I can constructively occupy myself when my male friends are playing Madden on X-Box. I plan to type in my journal when I’m at parties when I’m bored while giving the appearance of having an elaborate social life. My life has a heightened sense of purpose knowing that I have several rounds of Words with Friends to conduct, and when I’m sitting on the couch on the weekend feeling vague, I can take moody pictures of mundane objects with the romantic filters on my Retro Camera ap. I downloaded the fucking text for my class onto my phone! I feel fucking invincible.
It’s funny, I was afraid to get a smart phone at first because I dropped my cheap phones all the time (you remember that awful cringe you’d feel when you dropped your flip phone and the battery popped out), so I didn’t want to risk the crippling depression that would inevitably occur if I dropped a phone that I’d dropped that much cash on. I also didn’t want to have such easy access to the Internet because the amount of brain cells lost from Facebook and Tumblr-gaping was already out of control. The seal was broken, however, when my step dad gave me his old Garmin phone. The goofy thing crashed all the time because it was out of date, but the sleek touchscreen interface and easy access to info were bewitching, and I knew that I had to have it all.
New technology is sneaky like that. You feel like you’re above it, then suddenly, your in its shadow and resistance is futile. You just have to make sure that you’re not a douche about it. Well, at least not too much of a douche. I admit that the novelty of whipping out my phone to solve problems is still fresh, case and point: I pulled up a map to show a friend a building that was just a few blocks away. Believe it or not, having additional access to Facebook and Twitter have burnt me out on social networking, and you’re more likely to find me browsing runway shows or anymanga.com, which has a sweet-ass mobile version. It’s fun as shit to capture those random, little moments with status updates or candid pics, but I promise to keep you out of the loop on what I had for lunch or what color lip gloss I’m feeling for that day.